Stupor of Thought

Life is a funny thing. No really, you never look at it as funny, but it can be. We stress ourselves out. I will admit life gives us tricks that, well make life suck. Although, how often is it ourselves who make it worse? I don't know. It just seems like everything has been go crazy. So many aspects of my life and family are changing. I don't mean little things, like.. major life altering changes. It is scary, and very confusing. I won't go into the family details, they are not mine to tell. I will explain where this is coming from. Every since graduation I have gotten the questions everyone gets. "Where are you going to go to school?" or "What are your plans now?" Basicly... What are you going to do with your life? I know I know, everyone goes through this. "Tis the age of change." I understand that. I am up for that. High school is done, time to move one and do something with your life. Ok, makes sense.... but wait, what do I do? Another normal question. It is no longer the simple fireman, doctor, or vet answer. It is an actual question that when you decide, affects the rest of your life. Yup. Talk about scary. Well I have made up my mind of what I want to be. Stay at home Mom. Well, it seems that may not be as easy as it seems! Well I have to get married. Which means I would have to be somewhere to actually meet someone. Then if I do fall in love, will he be able make it possible for me to stay home? (When I actually start having kids) All super fun stuff eh? Well I decided in high school that my college of choice was ISU. God had other ideas. I have tried a few different times to get myself there, but it never really works out. So I decided to try something else. So now the famous question comes. But what? Oh I can't even tell you how much I have struggled with this question. A lot of tears and a lot of talks with my parents and of course God. I have figured out the the more I push to find the answer, the farther away I get to it. I am not letting god help me, I think I am, but I am really not. Well past few months have been interesting, but I think I am on to something! Now... I just need to double check with the big man upstairs. Then this is where I get lost again. How do I understand him?? When do I know what is what, who is who. All that madness. Well god knows me very very well. He has been leading me to find the answer, I am just stubborn and fail to see how much he is doing. With church, friends, and my unbelievable parents I am slowly but surely getting there. Arlight, well... my point to this really song post (sorry!) was to talk about this book, the one in the picture. Hearing the Voice of the Lord. Yup, its a book on Principles and Patters of Personal Revelation. Honestly I am only on page 23 out of 362 but already its helping, I have learned a lot in so few pages!! I feel a comfort about this, that it will help me with knowing when it is the spirit or just me. Will take practice, but will help. To my family, if anyone of you even reads this. I feel like this book should be something you look into as well. Anyone for that matter. I am soo not a book person, but this is worth it. Times are hard, oh so hard, but with the lord you can do anything. Stress, anger, fear, or anything will get in the way of doing what is right. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling, but I know that everyone I love who is struggling, will be ok. May take time, but it will happen! I am so not making the points I wanted to with this. Sorry, I am just not a writer. But, read this book, really. The more you talk to God, the better your choices. Good luck, life is what it is. Love and be loved.